Do other people make you feel things?
Do they make you feel happy or sad?
I'm curious. How do they make you feel this way?
Do they say, "Hey, here's a tin of sadness."
Or maybe they say, "Ahh, you need a bucket of happiness. Hold on, I've got one here you can have."
Can you find happiness or sadness on the supermarket shelves, pre-packaged and ready to go?
Shopaholics amongst you would argue that you could; however I would say you can't.
We often rely on other people to "make" us feel a certain way. We rely on them to do something, say something, be something in order for us to feel happy. If they don't do what we are expecting them to, we get upset, sad and hurt.
In short, we often attempt to control other people in order to control how we feel; that is, our emotions.
And when we do this, we are setting ourselves up for failure, because we can't control anyone else. We cannot force anyone to do anything or assume they will.
There is just one person we control; ourselves.
People don't make us feel certain emotions. We choose to feel them. We decide to react in a certain way. We make assumptions about what people mean. We leap to conclusions.
No one can give you a tin of unhappiness, or a bucket of joy. These things are not physical items that can be passed from person to person. They are intangible items that exist only in ourselves.
In fact just the other day I was at a wedding. I told one of my friends how wonderful she looked and how much I liked her outfit. She leapt to the conclusion that I was being sarcastic and chose to be offended by what was a genuine compliment.
Had I even been being sarcastic, she could have chosen to be complimented and replied with a, "I'm glad you like it" and felt better about herself.
There was a guy I knew when I was younger. He was short, balding, spotty and he had been short changed in the looks department. Yet whenever we went out to bars, he'd wander up to any pretty woman and start talking to her. If she turned him down, he'd shrug his shoulders and continue.
I don't think it ever even occurred to him to feel bad about these rejections. He'd just smile and say, "Your loss" and move on to the next one.
Believe it or not, each of you are in control of yourself and how you feel. You can choose to feel anyway you want. Right now, you could choose to feel happy; or I am sure you could choose to feel sad. Just by thinking about it, you could change how you feel.
It's almost magic isn't it?
So what about choosing how you feel when you are interacting with other people?
The vast majority of people run on auto-pilot. They allow their body and mind to more or less get on with it, not worrying too much about the programs that are running or the condition of it. It doesn't interfere with them too much so they allow it to get on with it.
It's like watching all the cars driving around a city and not realising there is someone inside controlling them.
Most people have forgotten there is this "person" inside of them controlling them.
If you choose, you can take back control of how you feel and stop relying on other people to meet certain conditions.
When you go to the office and someone says, "Good Morning" to you, you can choose to grumble and mutter, "There's nothing good about it." Or, you can choose to reply in kind and say, "It's a fantastic morning."
That is, you can choose to feel bad or choose to feel good.
Which do you prefer?
Realise that you are the only person who can make you feel anything and stop allowing the people around you to make you feel bad. Decide to feel good and enjoy yourself.
If someone turns you down or rejects you, "It's their loss" or something similar.
If someone says insults you, "Poor thing, must be confused" or something similar.
Decide to take back control of yourself and your life and to stop being on auto-pilot. Choose how you are going to feel instead of allowing other people to choose for you.
Friday, December 26, 2008
You CAN Shift Your Reality to Include More of What You Want
Do you know that you are emitting signals that the universe responds to? It's like we're all emitting radio signals that go out into the universe and match us up with anything on the same wavelength, bringing to us the circumstances and events which make up our lives.
The signals you emit are made up of your thoughts, beliefs, and the emotions that these create within you. You're experiences tend to match what you've got your focus upon.
You do have the power to affect your experiences by paying attention to what you focus upon. This is where your power is. If you are focused upon the negative aspects of your experience, you will create more of the same, which you then focus on and create more of, and so on in a vicious cycle. Fortunately, this works the other way around too! If you choose to focus on the positive aspects of any experience, you will create more positive aspects you can then focus on, and continue bringing more positive experiences into your life. Even if you can only find one positive aspect to focus on in a situation that has many more negative aspects, and you keep choosing to keep your focus on the one positive part, you will soon see improvement in that situation that will give you more that's positive to focus on. It's a gradual, continual process. And it works!
Just because something is how it is, does not mean it has to stay that way! Just because you've had a lot of it in the past, does not mean you're doomed to have more of it in the future! If you don't like it, know that you do have the power to change it. And if you do like it, know that you can create more of it, if you wish to.
Gradually shifting your perception to include more of what you do like, opens the flow so more like it can come to you.
Over the last few years I have found many incredibly helpful resources to help anyone along the path to greater joy. Now I'm setting up a website to share these resources with others.
Wishing you increased satisfaction and more joy!
Carrie McLain
The signals you emit are made up of your thoughts, beliefs, and the emotions that these create within you. You're experiences tend to match what you've got your focus upon.
You do have the power to affect your experiences by paying attention to what you focus upon. This is where your power is. If you are focused upon the negative aspects of your experience, you will create more of the same, which you then focus on and create more of, and so on in a vicious cycle. Fortunately, this works the other way around too! If you choose to focus on the positive aspects of any experience, you will create more positive aspects you can then focus on, and continue bringing more positive experiences into your life. Even if you can only find one positive aspect to focus on in a situation that has many more negative aspects, and you keep choosing to keep your focus on the one positive part, you will soon see improvement in that situation that will give you more that's positive to focus on. It's a gradual, continual process. And it works!
Just because something is how it is, does not mean it has to stay that way! Just because you've had a lot of it in the past, does not mean you're doomed to have more of it in the future! If you don't like it, know that you do have the power to change it. And if you do like it, know that you can create more of it, if you wish to.
Gradually shifting your perception to include more of what you do like, opens the flow so more like it can come to you.
Over the last few years I have found many incredibly helpful resources to help anyone along the path to greater joy. Now I'm setting up a website to share these resources with others.
Wishing you increased satisfaction and more joy!
Carrie McLain
Why Do We Hurt Those We Love Most And How To Stop This
You love each other but can't manage to communicate without arguing, fighting and ending up exhausted, each one in his corner, trying to lick his wounds and thinking of how to protect one self against a new attack. And in spite of that you love each other? How is this possible? Why do people hurt most those they love?
How come we can't express our love? How come we are full of good intentions but when it comes to reality we find ourselves again shouting and blaming the other one. And then that monster of guilt jumps out of nowhere to our throat to strangle us once again.
How to stop this infernal behavior?
First let me explain why this happens.
We all need energy. We need energy to live and to survive. Energy comes in many forms : love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition
We all need this to feel good, to build our personality and to find our place in society.
But here it is : as long as we think this energy has to come from other human beings, we will get caught up in struggle. Because human energy is limited. We have to fight for it. Human energy doesn't last. There isn't enough of it. So we have to be the quickest, the smartest, the most beautiful one, to attract the attention from the other and to pull his energy.
If this doesn't work, we try another strategy. We try to pull attention by negative behavior. Every child learns this very quickly in his early life : when he is playing quietly on the floor with his toys, mum goes on cooking dinner or talking with daddy. But as soon as the kid hurts his little sister or is playing "sick", mums hurries to give attention to him. She shouts maybe, she's angry or worried, but no matter, all this is attention for the child! He learns very quickly which behavior gives him the greatest amount of attention and energy. When his mother or father looks at him, even angry, it still is energy coming his way! When they shout at him, they give him energy. Negative energy, alright, but it is better than no energy at all.
When we grow up, and start to date, we discover a very interesting phenomenon : when we fall in love, we receive a lot of energy (read : attention, interest, time, love etc.) for free. The other person gives us freely and abundantly a whole bunch of energy. We don't even have to ask for it, we don't need to apply any strategy to pick this energy, it's all for free! We let go of our mechanism to pull the energy of others towards us. We loosen up. We "fall" in love. We almost literally fly. We are high! Everything seems to have more colour, is more vivid, we feel lighter, life seems easy, everything goes by itself, we have the feeling we love everybody and everything, even our grunchy boss! Nothing can hurt us, we feel safe and boosted with energy. But this is his or her energy! We are flying on someone else's energy, and human energy is limited!
And that is exactly the problem! This stream of free energy begins to slow down, because the other one goes back to his business and activities he had before. Why? The body is not able to handle this amount of adrenaline for a long period of time, they say but the real reason is we need to learn to pull our energy from somewhere else, not from a human being but from the source of energy itself.
So our lover gives us less free energy than before. We were used to this energy-flow and now we have to do it again by ourselves! Free energy is so much easier! We don't have to do any effort to get it! And now we are getting less of this free energy, we don't want to let this happen. At this moment our old childhood-system of capturing energy is triggered because of the scarcity of energy (there is an alarm inside us that says : "Danger! Lack of energy!") and the old mechanism to capture energy from others starts running in our head and in our behavior. The mechanism that worked when we were a child to get the energy of our parents, will be triggered by the lack of energy now. We do what we did as a child to get energy flowing our way.
We can do this by playing the victim ("Oh poor me, look at all that I do and nobody is grateful! Look how good I am and still life strikes me with disapproval, disease and misery! Oh oh oh!"). Or we get attention by being aggressive, shouting and trying to dominate the other one. A third mechanism is harassing the other one by asking too many questions and controlling him. A fourth system is playing silence, refusing contact, not to speak and not to react, so the other one will do whatever he can to get in contact with you again and this will give you his energy.
These systems will of course make the energy of the other one flowing your way. But what next? The other one is now low on energy and wants to get his energy back. So now his mechanism is triggered by his lack of energy. He will now use the system that assured him the energy of his parents when he was little, to get his energy back from you. He will either shout at you, either playing the poor one that didn't deserve your treatment, either torture you with a bunch of questions, or refuse contact.
This explains why we hurt the ones we love. First reason is we want their energy, energy they gave once for free. We hurt our loved onces most because they gave us love and energy and attention for free in the beginning and now we have to do it on our own and we are angry and want get back to them. We think we are entitled to have their energy still for free and start our mechanism to get it. Second reason we hurt them most is because of convenience : they are always around, their energy is available so when we are low on energy we try to rip their energy off, and hurt them by doing that.
Stealing energy from another human being is hurting him.
What can we do about this? We should only be in contact with other people when we are sure to be already filled up with energy, so we won't steal theirs. When we are full of energy, and conscious of what happens between people, we can give the other one energy instead of ripping him off. We should not meet each other when we are low on energy. It's the responsibility of each and every person to generate energy by himself and not to depend on other people.
How to do that? By connecting to the energy that is always available. That is the energy of the Universe. The easiest way to connect to this energy is contemplate the beauty of a flower. You also can contemplate the beauty of an object or a person. You can listen to beautiful music, take a walk in nature, meditate, pray, dance, paint, read positive texts, work on your mission on earth, love your cat or dog, anything that gives you energy.
Make a list of every activity and behavior that increases your energy level. As soon as you feel you're in a conflict with your partner, boss, child, parent or whoever, do something to get yourself together and raise your energy. Don't say anything until your energy-level is again high enough to be able to send energy to the other one. By sending energy, you are sure not to steal energy from the other one. This is an act of love. If you are not able to get your energy level any higher, go to another place, do something for you and wait until your vibrations are high enough to meet the other one again.
The important thing in a relationship is not to make the other happy or to expect the other one to make you happy, but to make yourself happy and offer this happiness as a free gift to the other!
Loving another human being is giving him energy!
See the difference? Do you want to love your loved ones or steal their energy?
How come we can't express our love? How come we are full of good intentions but when it comes to reality we find ourselves again shouting and blaming the other one. And then that monster of guilt jumps out of nowhere to our throat to strangle us once again.
How to stop this infernal behavior?
First let me explain why this happens.
We all need energy. We need energy to live and to survive. Energy comes in many forms : love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition
We all need this to feel good, to build our personality and to find our place in society.
But here it is : as long as we think this energy has to come from other human beings, we will get caught up in struggle. Because human energy is limited. We have to fight for it. Human energy doesn't last. There isn't enough of it. So we have to be the quickest, the smartest, the most beautiful one, to attract the attention from the other and to pull his energy.
If this doesn't work, we try another strategy. We try to pull attention by negative behavior. Every child learns this very quickly in his early life : when he is playing quietly on the floor with his toys, mum goes on cooking dinner or talking with daddy. But as soon as the kid hurts his little sister or is playing "sick", mums hurries to give attention to him. She shouts maybe, she's angry or worried, but no matter, all this is attention for the child! He learns very quickly which behavior gives him the greatest amount of attention and energy. When his mother or father looks at him, even angry, it still is energy coming his way! When they shout at him, they give him energy. Negative energy, alright, but it is better than no energy at all.
When we grow up, and start to date, we discover a very interesting phenomenon : when we fall in love, we receive a lot of energy (read : attention, interest, time, love etc.) for free. The other person gives us freely and abundantly a whole bunch of energy. We don't even have to ask for it, we don't need to apply any strategy to pick this energy, it's all for free! We let go of our mechanism to pull the energy of others towards us. We loosen up. We "fall" in love. We almost literally fly. We are high! Everything seems to have more colour, is more vivid, we feel lighter, life seems easy, everything goes by itself, we have the feeling we love everybody and everything, even our grunchy boss! Nothing can hurt us, we feel safe and boosted with energy. But this is his or her energy! We are flying on someone else's energy, and human energy is limited!
And that is exactly the problem! This stream of free energy begins to slow down, because the other one goes back to his business and activities he had before. Why? The body is not able to handle this amount of adrenaline for a long period of time, they say but the real reason is we need to learn to pull our energy from somewhere else, not from a human being but from the source of energy itself.
So our lover gives us less free energy than before. We were used to this energy-flow and now we have to do it again by ourselves! Free energy is so much easier! We don't have to do any effort to get it! And now we are getting less of this free energy, we don't want to let this happen. At this moment our old childhood-system of capturing energy is triggered because of the scarcity of energy (there is an alarm inside us that says : "Danger! Lack of energy!") and the old mechanism to capture energy from others starts running in our head and in our behavior. The mechanism that worked when we were a child to get the energy of our parents, will be triggered by the lack of energy now. We do what we did as a child to get energy flowing our way.
We can do this by playing the victim ("Oh poor me, look at all that I do and nobody is grateful! Look how good I am and still life strikes me with disapproval, disease and misery! Oh oh oh!"). Or we get attention by being aggressive, shouting and trying to dominate the other one. A third mechanism is harassing the other one by asking too many questions and controlling him. A fourth system is playing silence, refusing contact, not to speak and not to react, so the other one will do whatever he can to get in contact with you again and this will give you his energy.
These systems will of course make the energy of the other one flowing your way. But what next? The other one is now low on energy and wants to get his energy back. So now his mechanism is triggered by his lack of energy. He will now use the system that assured him the energy of his parents when he was little, to get his energy back from you. He will either shout at you, either playing the poor one that didn't deserve your treatment, either torture you with a bunch of questions, or refuse contact.
This explains why we hurt the ones we love. First reason is we want their energy, energy they gave once for free. We hurt our loved onces most because they gave us love and energy and attention for free in the beginning and now we have to do it on our own and we are angry and want get back to them. We think we are entitled to have their energy still for free and start our mechanism to get it. Second reason we hurt them most is because of convenience : they are always around, their energy is available so when we are low on energy we try to rip their energy off, and hurt them by doing that.
Stealing energy from another human being is hurting him.
What can we do about this? We should only be in contact with other people when we are sure to be already filled up with energy, so we won't steal theirs. When we are full of energy, and conscious of what happens between people, we can give the other one energy instead of ripping him off. We should not meet each other when we are low on energy. It's the responsibility of each and every person to generate energy by himself and not to depend on other people.
How to do that? By connecting to the energy that is always available. That is the energy of the Universe. The easiest way to connect to this energy is contemplate the beauty of a flower. You also can contemplate the beauty of an object or a person. You can listen to beautiful music, take a walk in nature, meditate, pray, dance, paint, read positive texts, work on your mission on earth, love your cat or dog, anything that gives you energy.
Make a list of every activity and behavior that increases your energy level. As soon as you feel you're in a conflict with your partner, boss, child, parent or whoever, do something to get yourself together and raise your energy. Don't say anything until your energy-level is again high enough to be able to send energy to the other one. By sending energy, you are sure not to steal energy from the other one. This is an act of love. If you are not able to get your energy level any higher, go to another place, do something for you and wait until your vibrations are high enough to meet the other one again.
The important thing in a relationship is not to make the other happy or to expect the other one to make you happy, but to make yourself happy and offer this happiness as a free gift to the other!
Loving another human being is giving him energy!
See the difference? Do you want to love your loved ones or steal their energy?
What to do when nothing is working out for you...
If you are one of those people for whom things are just not going the way they want .... if you think that things work out wonderfully well for everyone else BUT you, then you should sit back, relax and ponder upon your situation in this light:
We have all been brought up "in comparison" to others. There is an ideal time to go to school, finish college, get married, make money, have children etc and then everything HAS to repeat itself the same way for our children and so on!
If we are ever "behind" anyone (or everyone) in achieving a certain goal, a lot of anxiety and despair comes rushing into our lives. We then desperately try all kinds of things to get to that goal, all the while worrying that it will not happen for us...and what is the result? It actually doesn't! The more you despair for something, the more of these "wanting" vibrations will be released into the Universe and you will end up with more of "wanting" and no "gaining".
I want you to remember that it is always a BIG mistake to judge your life by comparing it with others. Your circumstances are completely different from them.... plans and things that work for them cannot work in exactly the same way for you. By worrying about why things are not working out for you in the same way, you CREATE a reality for that time; that those things or plans are not working for you. It is all because you are defining your reality by comparing it with someone else. Some one else's reality does not have anything to do with your reality.
Here is a better way of thinking and putting things in perspective: First and foremost, realise completely how you have acqired this state of mind. Accept that you have been comparing your reality with others and that is not taking you anywhere... they have a completely different path in life than yours. Love yourself the way you are, love your circumstances and accept that things at present are exactly as they should be. Also, allow yourself to believe that you WILL succeed although not in EXACTLY the same way that you want to. Perhaps God/Universe/Spirit wants to take you through a different path, but you WILL get there. Trust that although things may or may not turn out to be the way that you want them to, they WILL turn out in a way that is best for you. You have to be relaxed and non-judgemental for things to start working in the direction of your success. Set your OWN definitions of success, and do not base your happiness on how everything is working out for others.
Take action, but do not struggle to control each and every event in your life. Try to do all that you can to make things right and then trust in God/Universe/Spirit to take you to your goal. You will be happier, more secure and will have peace and love in your heart and best of all, eventually things will start going your way.
------------------------------------------------
We have all been brought up "in comparison" to others. There is an ideal time to go to school, finish college, get married, make money, have children etc and then everything HAS to repeat itself the same way for our children and so on!
If we are ever "behind" anyone (or everyone) in achieving a certain goal, a lot of anxiety and despair comes rushing into our lives. We then desperately try all kinds of things to get to that goal, all the while worrying that it will not happen for us...and what is the result? It actually doesn't! The more you despair for something, the more of these "wanting" vibrations will be released into the Universe and you will end up with more of "wanting" and no "gaining".
I want you to remember that it is always a BIG mistake to judge your life by comparing it with others. Your circumstances are completely different from them.... plans and things that work for them cannot work in exactly the same way for you. By worrying about why things are not working out for you in the same way, you CREATE a reality for that time; that those things or plans are not working for you. It is all because you are defining your reality by comparing it with someone else. Some one else's reality does not have anything to do with your reality.
Here is a better way of thinking and putting things in perspective: First and foremost, realise completely how you have acqired this state of mind. Accept that you have been comparing your reality with others and that is not taking you anywhere... they have a completely different path in life than yours. Love yourself the way you are, love your circumstances and accept that things at present are exactly as they should be. Also, allow yourself to believe that you WILL succeed although not in EXACTLY the same way that you want to. Perhaps God/Universe/Spirit wants to take you through a different path, but you WILL get there. Trust that although things may or may not turn out to be the way that you want them to, they WILL turn out in a way that is best for you. You have to be relaxed and non-judgemental for things to start working in the direction of your success. Set your OWN definitions of success, and do not base your happiness on how everything is working out for others.
Take action, but do not struggle to control each and every event in your life. Try to do all that you can to make things right and then trust in God/Universe/Spirit to take you to your goal. You will be happier, more secure and will have peace and love in your heart and best of all, eventually things will start going your way.
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What is Happiness? Can it Be Defined?
Happiness is one of the most commonly used words. We all say - the children look so happy. I am very happy today. You don't look happy. Any reason? How to make a happy world? How to avoid sad feelings and feel happy? Which pill can help us? The discussion about happiness is endless. Does science give a common definition of happiness? General answers are available that say that happiness is a state when one feels good, elated , contented, good etc. Is happiness a life long gift or an emotion experienced for a short time.
If I win a lottery, I become happy. As I spend all the money, I become unhappy again. When you call me a good person, I feel happy and when you curse me, I feel very unhappy. If I look at the dead body of my old friend, I feel unhappy and when I look at laughing faces of children I feel happy. We have no control. Outside forces and events control our emotions. We are all toys. That has no free will. This is difficult to believe but true.
Let us find out what is not happiness. Low self esteem, feelings of despondency, sadness, guilt, helplessness, frustration, low interest, uncertainty, and all such negative emotions are not happy emotions. They rather make us unhappy. Now let us talk of what is happiness? Feeling good, cheerful outlook, positive thoughts, winning attitudes, satisfied living, enjoyment, and all such emotions that make us feel good are happy feelings
Is happiness same for all of us? If I give a certain amount to few people, some may become very happy and some may become angry and some will not care either way. Am I making myself clear? So happiness is not something that we feel in equal measure. I may be very happy when I watch the star lit night, but you may enjoy only the bright sunshine. So each one of us has his/her own happiness.
Some of us are happy when we get a large amount of money, some when they can do lot of creative work, some when they can make others feel good and so on. All of us have our unique set of values and desires. We ourselves many times do not know about them. It become difficult therefore to know how to keep others happy and this ignorance causes most of inter personal problems. But these differences in our emotional reactions make us human beings; otherwise we are no different than animals.
If I win a lottery, I become happy. As I spend all the money, I become unhappy again. When you call me a good person, I feel happy and when you curse me, I feel very unhappy. If I look at the dead body of my old friend, I feel unhappy and when I look at laughing faces of children I feel happy. We have no control. Outside forces and events control our emotions. We are all toys. That has no free will. This is difficult to believe but true.
Let us find out what is not happiness. Low self esteem, feelings of despondency, sadness, guilt, helplessness, frustration, low interest, uncertainty, and all such negative emotions are not happy emotions. They rather make us unhappy. Now let us talk of what is happiness? Feeling good, cheerful outlook, positive thoughts, winning attitudes, satisfied living, enjoyment, and all such emotions that make us feel good are happy feelings
Is happiness same for all of us? If I give a certain amount to few people, some may become very happy and some may become angry and some will not care either way. Am I making myself clear? So happiness is not something that we feel in equal measure. I may be very happy when I watch the star lit night, but you may enjoy only the bright sunshine. So each one of us has his/her own happiness.
Some of us are happy when we get a large amount of money, some when they can do lot of creative work, some when they can make others feel good and so on. All of us have our unique set of values and desires. We ourselves many times do not know about them. It become difficult therefore to know how to keep others happy and this ignorance causes most of inter personal problems. But these differences in our emotional reactions make us human beings; otherwise we are no different than animals.
What is happiness?
Are you happy? Many of us are not sure about that. Happiness also can not be defined so easily. Most of us are not living happily. That is the curse of modern age. Try and make yourself as happy as possible amongst all the stresses and tensions.
What is happiness? When I say that I am feeling happy, it may mean that I just got something that I love. That makes me happy. Have you ever seen at the photographs of people who have won a big lottery? They look so happy. Meet them after few years, when they have already spent all their money, and you will find the same person very unhappy. A married couple looks happy while getting married. Meet them after few years in the Divorce court and you will know that happiness was not their nature, but only a reaction to circumstances.
Can we remain happy at all times? It is difficult, but one can surely try. Decide to smile and feel happy at all the times. Even if you learn that you have suffered a big loss, be happy. Sounds foolish? But this can be done. And no amount of unhappiness will ever get you the money back. But happiness under all conditions will give you the confidence and strength to fight against all the odds and come out as a winner.
What is happiness? When I say that I am feeling happy, it may mean that I just got something that I love. That makes me happy. Have you ever seen at the photographs of people who have won a big lottery? They look so happy. Meet them after few years, when they have already spent all their money, and you will find the same person very unhappy. A married couple looks happy while getting married. Meet them after few years in the Divorce court and you will know that happiness was not their nature, but only a reaction to circumstances.
Can we remain happy at all times? It is difficult, but one can surely try. Decide to smile and feel happy at all the times. Even if you learn that you have suffered a big loss, be happy. Sounds foolish? But this can be done. And no amount of unhappiness will ever get you the money back. But happiness under all conditions will give you the confidence and strength to fight against all the odds and come out as a winner.
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